Once I finished banging out a post for Your Lie in April in January, I knew I had to get it out first thing in the actual month of April…
Alternate opening line: “There’s something painful about reading Your Lie in April for this former pianist…”
A shell of a person, who could have been a genius. They swore they left the piano behind for good, only to have all those repressed emotions come flooding back.
Is this Kousei performing with Kaori for the first time, playing Introduction and Rondo Capriccioso, or is this me reading the manga of Your Lie in April? Or maybe it’s me, admitting these feelings in Arthifis’s comment section on his post Yuri on Ice from a Performer’s Perspective?
Now, my own story is nothing as deep as Kousei’s – I gave up piano to focus on my studies, I don’t think I’ve witnessed anyone’s passing in my life – but just reading about Kousei freezing up during a performance makes me wonder what could have been if I were still a pianist.
Having gone down my dream route of IT/humanities and then cutting it off because half of it – the IT part, the part that opened up a more profitable future – was breaking me apart mentally last year…it makes me wonder if all my previous effort in different subjects was worth it.
Back in the day – about 6 years ago – I had to argue with my parents to get out of piano and Chinese classes, even though I’d dealt with both for nine years before that. I only continued playing piano for another half year because I still had some electives to fill in, the year after I quit having piano classes every Friday.
I still have some certificates associated with some of the regional grades and I’m sure there are still some CDs lying around somewhere of piano performances to emulate. There’s still a piano, behind a door about 10 – 15 steps away, waiting for me as I type this…but it’s been years since I touched it and months since anyone’s touched it. Some books sit on top of it, waiting to be used. They were pretty pricey – they’re worth about 2 manga volumes each (assuming currency has the same value over time).
To be honest, I don’t really like remembering my past and just cleaning old sheets/artwork out from filing cupboards and chucking them away on a regular basis causes me to bawl like a baby. This is why I don’t want to go back to playing piano – because I’d rather focus on what I am now, as a coping mechanism for not crying my eyes out at what could have been.
So seeing Kousei fail and get up again makes me think: Thank goodness I left that door closed.
Because unlike him, the piano was not everything about me. I’m a constant reinventor who intends to surprise at every turn, throwing away the orthodox for the less-valued. I’m not the type to mope about, like he does.
Your Lie in April may be about grief and love – themes I don’t have any familiarity with – but it’s also about hope.
So even if the piano behind that door represents what could have been, I’ll stay here at the black dining room table where I tend to sit for most of my daily activities, banging at my laptop keys to create a new symphony with words.
Because that’s why you’re here.
I think I’ve been teasing a piece about Your Lie in April ever since 2017, but I didn’t think I’d have it written in the early days of January 2019 (when I was reading volume 2 of the Your Lie in April manga) for sure. I thought it would be finished once I started watching the anime…which I haven’t started and don’t think I will start for a while. It’s famed as an emotional rollercoaster for a reason, after all.
So, has there ever been an anime that’s touched you as deeply as Your Lie in April did to me? Which one/s and why?